Feeling at odds with yourself? An introduction to understanding our parts.
Have you ever found yourself feeling completely overwhelmed by an emotion, like anger or anxiety, and thought, This isn’t who I want to be? Or maybe you’ve noticed a critical inner voice that speaks up when you’re about to take a big step, leaving you second-guessing yourself. These experiences are familiar to so many of us, yet we often feel ashamed or confused by them. We may believe that something is wrong with us, or that we need to "fix" these parts of ourselves. But what if these parts aren’t the enemy? What if they’re trying to help us in their own way?
In our everyday lives, we all carry different “parts” of ourselves—distinct voices, emotions, and behaviors that show up in different situations. Sometimes, a part may take over, like the part of you that avoids conflict or the part that can’t seem to stop overthinking. Other times, it’s the part that feels unworthy or that pushes others away out of fear of being hurt. These parts often stem from past experiences, where they developed to protect us or help us navigate life’s challenges. Over time, though, they may no longer serve us the way they once did, and instead keep us stuck in patterns that don’t reflect who we truly are or what we want.
The good news is that these parts aren’t something to be rid of or silenced. In fact, they’re a valuable part of our story. They hold our pain, our fears, and our resilience. Through a therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS), we learn that every part has a role, and none of them are inherently bad. Even the parts that cause us distress or self-sabotage are simply trying to protect us from something deeper—like vulnerability, rejection, or failure.
But how do we move from feeling controlled by these parts to understanding and integrating them?
In therapy, one of the most powerful things we can do is to shift the story we tell ourselves about these parts. Rather than seeing them as flaws, we can begin to view them as aspects of ourselves that need compassion and curiosity. For example, if you have a part that constantly criticizes you, it’s likely doing so because at some point, it learned that being perfect would protect you from judgment or failure. In therapy, we can guide you in re-examining this part’s role in your life and help you see it through a new lens—not as something to fight against, but as something to understand and befriend.
In working through these parts, we explore their unique stories and discover the purpose behind them. Just as we each have our own life narrative, our parts have their own too. Therapy can help untangle these narratives and rewrite them in a way that aligns with who you are now. By exploring the stories behind these parts, you can start to see that you’re not broken—you’re whole, even with all the different parts that make you, you.
The beauty of IFS is that it encourages us to connect with our “Self”—the core, calm, and compassionate part of who we are beneath all the noise. When we tap into this place of self-compassion, we can approach each part with understanding, allowing them to soften and transform. Instead of seeing your inner critic or anxious part as an enemy, you can learn to see them as protectors that no longer need to work so hard. In turn, they become less reactive, and you can move through life with more clarity and balance.
For those of us navigating big life changes—whether it’s a divorce, a new career path, or simply a shift in identity—understanding these parts can be a transformative process. Often, these parts have been driving the bus for a long time, reacting to old wounds and outdated stories about who you are and what you’re capable of. By exploring these parts in therapy, you can reclaim your narrative and make space for growth, self-empowerment, and peace.
If you’ve ever felt torn between different parts of yourself, know that you’re not alone. You don’t need to suppress or ignore these parts to move forward. Instead, by getting curious and compassionate about them, you can begin the process of integrating them into your life in a way that brings healing, balance, and greater self-acceptance.
Curious in learning more about how your parts may be showing up for you? You can now book a free consultation and start your inner healing journey!
